I went to my meeting yesterday and reached my 5% body loss goal and got my first 'award' from weight watchers, my bookmark. I felt like I deserved a holiday to the Bahamas but my little green bookmark was the award and I am grateful to have it!
After my meeting I went to a Ministry of Education meeting about filling in the dreaded forms for home schooling my eldest Charlotte (It was brilliant!!) On my way home I could feel myself falling off the wagon, I mean literally falling off the wagon. I could see breakfast bacon bagels in my head, chips and chicken burgers. The want to eat something with grease all over it was absolutely consuming. I drove home with nothing but that in my brain. Having reached my first goal why was my own body trying to let me down, sabotage my efforts...I was doing so well. This had to be what everyone had warned me about and it seemed inevitable.
Everywhere I seemed to drive those bloody Golden arches were staring at me. Beckoning me in, tempting my taste buds, I felt like I had been possessed! I put my music on really loud in the car and tried to concentrate on the drive home, thinking about all the 'yummy' foods I could make myself if I could just make it home.
I would like to tell you that the voices didn't win but they did I pulled in after the third set of Golden arches and bought chips and a chicken burger. However this is when it gets weird and very unlike me. I ate about four chips and had a mouthful of burger and suddenly stopped. Flashing before I saw my miserable self dying through the workouts I had done for the past week. The constant salads, vegetables and fruit. Then I thought about Charlotte and how excited I am about homeschooling this year and how part of my decision to lose weight is so I can be a better Mum....and it stopped me in my tracks.
I wrapped the burger up put it all back in the bag and with great purpose almost ceremoniallly dumped it in the bin outside Maccas.
I got back in my car and drove home thoroughly ashamed of my lack of will power but very proud that I had stopped myself in time.
I did however penalise myself 10 points just for a mouthful just to make sure!!!
The human body is amazing isn't it, when you get something in your head it can really be such a battle. I learned something yesterday though that I think will help me through situations like this again and lets face it this will happen again! I need to keep those powerful images at the forefront of my brain on hard days - the images of how much hard work I have put in so far, how painful the exercise has been but most of my two beautiful children and the difference this is already making in our lives.
To other people out there trying to make this same change - We can do it, it is possible we just need to believe in ourselves.
'A goal without a plan is really just a wish' that's what my WW lady said to us last night and she is totally right but it's not just about planning what you are going to eat it's about planning what to think when you own self tries to get in the way of your goals.
Have a great day