I totally lost the ball, I stopped tracking, I stopped caring and I completely lost my way. I knew it was likely the moment I fell ill and I tried to keep myself on track but then I literally lost the will to care in the slightest. I didn't even make it to my meeting last week, the first I have missed since I started 12 weeks ago.
I felt so miserable being so poorly and then when I made everything worse and put my back out it just felt like the icing on the cake (which frankly I just wanted to eat!) There are not a lot of things in life that get me down I believe I am a fairly resilient person but I do get depressed if the old health issues rear their ugly head. It makes me feel completely out of control of my own destiny. I panic literally giving myself full on panic attacks and I wallow in self pity neither of which is a pretty sight let me assure you!
The tests are out of the way and the symptoms once again behind me. My back is nearly back to normal, not good enough to do any real exercise but good enough to get moving again. I crawled out of my self indulgent depressive pit this morning hugged my kids and we went for a walk down to the beach. Just putting my bare feet in the sand, feeling the sun's warmth on my face and the fresh air in my lungs made me feel better than I have done in these last two weeks. Watching my two beautiful angels playing in the water and building sandcastles put the smile back on my face and a spring in my step (well not so much a spring as a slight elevation!)Don't get me wrong I haven't gorged on chocolate cakes, sweets and donuts for two weeks. I just haven't been taken the same care to make sure I get everything I need in my diet and a few extra items have found their way in that shouldn't have. I stayed at my Mum and Dad's whilst I have not been well and the problem is my Mum is a fantastic cook, I absolutely love her food and I want to eat too much of it. Plus the fact that she has crisps and sweeties in her cupboard does not help! I know I should have the willpower to just not go near them but I am quite sure I actually hear them calling to me as I walk past the cupboard 'eat me, eat me you know you want to'
Back at my own house today and back on track. Tomorrow I am going to my meeting and I will face those demon scales and whatever the damage is I will deal with it without hurling abuse at the kind lady behind the desk....as it is not her fault! I suppose it was inevitable I would lose my step along the way but I suppose it's not the falling over that matters it's whether you pick yourself and move forward that matters.
Have a great day folks!
We CAN do it!!
Kate x
Kate! Dear Kate.... Yes you CAN do it! And you have done it. You have picked yourself back up, and some of those choices have stuck through all the ill health so .....
ReplyDeleteHave fun tomorrow at your meeting. :)
Whatever happens it is a journey.
Hugs
Val
PS Love the photos of your angels. XXX
Glad to hear the health issues are behind you again... As for the weight, what you put on, you can take off again... and a little chocolate cake keeps the Sad Monsters away. ;)
ReplyDeleteI can't recall who said it, but someone famous once put it wisely. My own version of their saying is: "I don't want to be a pretty corpse... I was to slide into the final parking spot in a well-used, much-loved wreck of a body, screaming "Wheeee-HAAAA! What a ride!" and have truly LIVED!"