I ran out of pain killers for 36 hours this week and it turned out to be a really interesting and painful experience.
It is very easy to get confused by just how much pain you’re in when you are taking pain medication four hourly. I am currently on quite strong morphine and codeine medications. For some months now after a lot of trial and error my pain is really quite well controlled and I wonder some days if perhaps under all the pain medications that I was actually doing much better, as most days it has been vaguely manageable.
Needless to say, the last 36 hours have taught me otherwise. Within 12 hours my pain levels shot up to 6 or 7 out of 10 and by the following night I was lying awake staring at the ceiling in a whole lot of miserable pain. Every way I tried to move or lie caused pain and I gave up trying to get any sleep finally and just sat up and watched TV.
It answered my question quite clearly; the pain medications are doing a pretty good job of keeping my pain under control and if I don’t take them, I’m in trouble. It made me a bit depressed though, does that make any sense? And angry too, really bloody angry. I have always tried to go through life thinking ‘Why not me’ rather than ‘Why me’ because the latter is just destructive and self-pitying. And, frankly I would rather this was happening to me than anyone I know, because I wouldn’t wish it on even my worst enemy and believe me that’s saying something! But this week has been another one of those tough ones and it’s been hard not to feel sorry for myself. I have been taking these bloody pain killers for nine months now and I am starting to worry about the effect they must be having on my poor liver and body but more importantly I am worrying about how I will ever wean off them.
I notice that not only am I in pain, when I don’t take painkillers, which of course is normal as I have a severe injury. But more worryingly after about eight hours I start to feel like I am coming down with flu, my bones start to ache. Then after 24 hours I really feel bloody awful and my body literally feels like it is screaming for the bloody things. When I got home yesterday with my new script, I dutifully took my targin, endone and codeine as normal, had a long hot soak in the bath (which is a hilarious feat in itself!) and within an hour my body had returned to its ‘normal' self, with the aching flu feeling gone and the pain under control. I HATE IT, I HATE that I have to take these horrible little pills just to get through each day.
I was completely useless yesterday and in so much pain and discomfort I had to take to my bed. Poor Craig, he must really love me that’s all I can say!! I hate that I can’t get through a day without taking them and that the end of taking them is still a long way off. I was speaking to a friend today; I call him a friend really as I have never met him he is more of an acquaintance really. He went through a similar surgery in Switzerland six months ago and has only just started coming off the pain killers now. It makes me pissed off and concerned that I could be on these tablets for at least another eight months! What an earth is that doing to my poor battered body??
I have heard that CBD oil is supposed to be good, (the legal kind) perhaps I should give it a try! I suppose I can’t really believe a couple of drops of oil would come close to helping with this constant debilitating pain. Has anyone tried it? It would be good to hear some personal stories about its effectiveness.
Anyway, roll on October and getting all this fixed, only 26 days till lift off! I don’t know whether I should be excited or terrified!! The suitcases are out and dusted off and today we started packing bits and pieces. I have a feeling that 26 days is going to go really quickly!
Update on our Go Fund Me Page is amazing having hit our first real milestone of $25,000 which is just incredible and we are so grateful to everyone who has already donated or shared the page, thanks so much.